Bears!
Wrote this in class..
If there is a bear in the cave, do not enter it. If, perchance, you do happen to enter it, stay very very still. If your luck is out and the bear wakes up and starts sniffing, there’s only one thing left to do… DANCE!
Bears love dancing.It’s a fact. They love classical dance more than any other, but in a pinch, they’ll settle for crazy bhangra. You’ll know they are interested if they rear up on two feet and start shaking their ass! Now listen very carefully, because your only chance of escaping alive is this.
Looking the bear in the eye, keep on dancing. Preferably, throw in a few Michael Jackson-esqe “CHUKS!” and “WOO!”’s, and grab your crotch ( but not too hard, you don’t want to incapacitate yourself.) Start to moonwalk towards the entrance, still looking the bear in the eye. When you are near it, stop suddenly, bow deeply, and RUN!
Do NOT look back, do NOT try to stop to catch your breath, just run run run. Crash your way down the hill, avoiding the pine trees, and watching your footing on the pine needles underfoot.
At the bottom of the hill you’ll find a stream. ( There’s always a stream at the bottom of the hill, so you’re bound to find a stream!) Run into the stream, and start running downstream, along with the water. Hopefully, this will confuse the bear, because bears can’t fathom running through water. They think it’s silly, and they’re probably right! Still, you’re trying to save your ass from being bitten off, so don’t worry about looking silly.
As the stream reaches the plains, and becomes a river, you’ll probably have run around a hundred kilometers at the very least. Don’t start thinking about how you’ve managed this seemingly impossible feat, because if you do, you’ll die instantly! Just keep on running ( or swimming, as the case may be.)
The river will follow it’s course through the plains, meandering here and there, and will finally reach the sea. All rivers eventually reach the sea, so will yours. Don’t argue with me, or I’ll write you out of the story!
And before you is the sea. A stormy, dark sea with mile high waves, and glimpses of strange creatures in the deeps. As you are helplessly carried into the maelstrom, you have only one thought in your head. We don’t want to know what it is, cause if you are so stupid that you can’t keep two thoughts at the same time, it’s not going to be a world-changing one, now is it?
You are now on your way to the bottom of the sea. How are you still alive, you wonder? Well, jackass, you’re still alive cause I say you are, and since, as the author of this, I am GOD for you, you better not piss me off.
You see strange creatures swimming around you..
And that’s all I wrote.
already read this. talk about recursion