Random Musings

I hate being sick. That life sapping feeling, body-aching, head shaking, throat-quaking, and fevered dreams.. All at once. So yeah, I’m sick, and I’m sad. Feeling all forgotten about. I wonder if I am. I seem to be yelling into the ether, and no one cares.

So that is that. I sit in my room, wondering if my phone will ring, checking my email everyonce in a while, hoping to see some mail from a real person for a change. And nothing happens. Outside my window, the world rushes by, not caring too much. Yeah, I’m sick, but I ain’t crazy, ya know.

One wonders sometimes what it’s all about. I do a lot of “Why Bother” and move along. I wonder if it’s a sign that I always sign in as “invisible”? I’m so down and out that I even spent some time on Orkut, trying to think of someone to scrap. Inevitably, of course, I shrug, say “Why bother”, and move along.

I’m pretty sad these days, for no real reason. My last year in college, and I don’t know what’s next. Will I work, or will I go to graduate school, or will I be a useless deadweight on my mom? All is possible.

Oh well, no one cares what I think, so why bother

Sad...

Why the title? Well, I just finished reading Family Matters by Rohinton Mistry, and it reminded me a lot of Of Human Bondage by Somerset Maugham. Family Matters is a beautiful, though sad, tale of a Parsi family, and all the ills that beset them.

It’s depressing, and beautiful at the same time, and I think that Mr. Mistry is a fantastic writer. I’m going to track down his other books and read them.

I wonder if he was influenced by Human Bondage.. Somehow, the winding thread of the two stories seems very similar. Attention to detail, the little segues into unrelated anecdotes, that seem to add nothing to the story, but in fact make up facets of its soul.. these were all very similar to Maugham. Of course, maybe I just haven’t read enough great fiction to recognize that all great books have this quality.

Come to think of it, now that I try and remember other books that made me feel like this, there are quite a few. Let’s see now, The Old Man and the Sea, Of Mice and Men, Death of a Salesman, Great Expectations, A Room with a View.. They all made me feel this half and half mixture of anguish about the sad story ( with the exception of Room with a View, of course) and happiness at having read another memorable book, one which I would unstintedly recommend to even my closest friends, safe in the knowledge that they would not cease talking to me after they finished it.

So yeah, I am sad. Well, not exactly sad, but a trifle melancholy. Like the slow fall of the curtain at the end of the movies in the old theatres, almost as if the hall was dreading the emptiness and silence of the night. Why am I feeling this way?

Who knows? At the bottom of it is probably a feeling of wondering just what it is I want to do with my life. To tell you a secret, which is no secret at all, I don’t really know. Anyway, this public blog is not exactly the forum for the outpourings of my troubled soul seductive as it is to unburden myself to complete strangers who really couldn’t care less

I just spoke to my aunt and cousin, and chatted with my uncle and brother. And I feel so much better. Heh. So I will ride the tide of feeling better and go to sleep now.

Later all

Sad...

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. That is what has happened over the last two weeks. I went to Calcutta, met Rohini, my favorite sister, her mom and her dad and we had great fun. Three days later, I’m in college and I find out that her father had a brain aneurysm. He passed away two days afer that.

Pappuda, as he forced us to call him, was one of the most fantastic people that I have had the privilege of knowing. He could make a perfect stranger feel like a dear friend within five minutes of meeting him.

Anyway, I will not write much about him on this public blog, except to say that he will be missed.

On a happier note, I finally met one of my coolest relatives. He’s a geek like me, so we got along really well, especially when we both pulled out Thinkpads… heh heh.

So many things have happened that it’s impossible to write about it all. Anyway, I’m back people.. Rejoice or cower, as the fancy takes you.

Later

Sad...